Prepping For Marriage While Healing from Childhood Trauma

I want to start this blog by being honest with you: healing from childhood trauma while preparing for a godly marriage is not an easy journey. It’s messy, it’s painful, and it’s a lot of work—but it’s also incredibly rewarding. In today’s blog, I’m opening up about my personal journey of healing and the lessons I’ve learned along the way. If you’re walking this path, I want you to know that you are not alone, and that God is still working in your life, no matter how messy it may seem.

Why Healing and Marriage Go Hand-in-Hand

For so long, I wanted to be in a godly relationship, preferably married by the next year. But I knew deep down that I wasn’t ready. I had childhood wounds that were deeply rooted, and I didn’t realize how much they would affect my future marriage. When I met my husband, God used him to take me through some of the deepest healing I’d ever experienced. It wasn’t always pretty, and it didn’t happen overnight, but love has a way of revealing the brokenness we didn’t even know was there.

Through this healing process, God spoke clearly to me, urging me to encourage others who are healing from similar struggles. So, here I am, sharing what I’ve learned, especially for women who desire a godly marriage but are struggling with childhood trauma.

The First Step: Check Your Relationship with God

The very first thing you need to do is check the foundation of your relationship with God. If you’re seeking something godly, your relationship with Him cannot be “gimmicky” or shallow. It’s time to dig deep. I remember one of the toughest parts of my healing journey was acknowledging that the desire for a godly relationship was real and valid. It wasn’t something to hide or be ashamed of. I had to come to a place where I could stand before God, openly desiring His will for my life without shame.

But it’s not enough to just want something good from God. We need to be intentional about building a solid foundation with Him. I spent time reading scripture, praying, and allowing God to shape my heart. This foundational work was not easy, but it was necessary for the healing process to begin.

Healing Is Messy, But It’s Worth It

Let me be real: healing from trauma is messy. There are moments when I felt like I was walking around with “spiritual leprosy,” hiding from the world and fearing that my past would forever impact my future. But the beauty of God’s love is that He doesn’t shy away from our mess. He embraces it.

For me, one of the most transformative parts of this journey was realizing that it’s okay to bring my mess before God. It’s okay to admit that I was broken, hurt, and in need of His healing. Just like the leper in Mark 1, who approached Jesus and said, “If you are willing, you can make me clean,” I had to bring my pain, my desires, and my brokenness before God, knowing He had the power to heal me.

Humility and Honest Desires

Humility has been key for me. When I first started praying for a godly marriage, I had to learn how to humble myself before God. I had to admit that I couldn’t do it on my own. There were areas of my life that needed His touch, especially when it came to relationships and love.

As I journeyed through my singleness, I had to confront my desires. It was easy to feel ashamed of wanting love, wanting marriage. But I had to come to terms with the fact that these desires are part of the woman God created me to be. And I had to stop hiding from them.

So, I asked myself: “Are you honest about your desire to be married? Are you bold enough to ask God for it?” It was a tough question, but the answer was clear: Yes, I needed to be honest with God about what I wanted and trust Him to guide me through the process.

Trusting God With My Body

One of the toughest decisions I had to make during this healing journey was choosing to be abstinent. I was clear with God that I wanted to honor my body and wait for a godly marriage, even when it seemed difficult. My body wasn’t mine to give away—it was God’s. And that took faith. A lot of it.

Abstaining wasn’t easy, but I believe it was a powerful act of obedience. I chose God’s way over my own desires. And let me tell you, it wasn’t about being perfect—it was about being faithful. God rewards consistency and faithfulness, even when it feels like the world is moving in the opposite direction.

The Power of Community

Healing from trauma and preparing for marriage is not something you should do alone. One of the most important things I did during my healing process was surround myself with people who shared my values, my faith, and my vision for the future. I realized that who you surround yourself with matters. You will become like the people you hang out with.

I spent time with people who encouraged me, prayed for me, and reminded me of my worth. I prayed with others who were also healing and preparing for marriage. It was powerful. And, it wasn’t until I let go of unhealthy attachments and embraced a stronger community of women who were seeking God that things really started to shift for me.

Preparing for Godly Courtship

As I continued on this journey, I had to take practical steps to prepare for marriage. It wasn’t just about spiritual preparation—it was about putting myself in a position to be found. I had to start dating intentionally. I had to be open to the idea of meeting someone who shared my faith and my values.

The truth is, God uses people to help connect us. It’s still statistically proven that 40% of people find their spouse through other people. For me, I even had the privilege of playing matchmaker once and seeing a beautiful, godly relationship blossom. The moral of the story? Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there. God will guide your steps.

Healing is a lifelong journey, and preparing for marriage while healing from childhood trauma is a process that requires patience, faith, and trust in God’s timing. But I promise you—God is working in you. Your healing, your faith, and your future marriage can be part of a beautiful testimony.

I’ll continue to share more insights and lessons learned in future posts, but for now, I want you to know this: You are not alone, and God has a plan for your healing and your marriage. If you’re ready to take the next step in your healing journey, I invite you to join the “Hey, Let’s Heal” community. Together, we can work through the challenges, celebrate the victories, and prepare for the love that God has for us.

Remember, you are loved, you are worthy, and healing is possible.

With love,
Alexis M. Lott